.titik tolak.

.Bismillah.

Alhamdulillah. Untuk setiap helaan nafas.

Alhamdulillah. Untuk setiap keamanan.

Alhamdulillah. Untuk setiap ketenangan.

Alhamdulillah. Untuk satu lagi peluang.

Hari ini 11.12.13.

Hmm tak sangka pulak cantik pula number yang disusun ni. Baru semalam decide buat blog baru. Sebab rasanya terlalu banyak yang mahu diluahkan. Selalu dalam status Facebook, which I think is not enough to tell the tale. 

Tajuk post ni titik tolak. Pernah dengar titik tolak? Muntalaq tak silap. Sesiapa yang mengikuti Dakwah & Tarbiyah tidak boleh tidak tahu apa itu Muntalaq. Mungkin belum dapat. And post ini bukan nak cerita isi Muntalaq, tetapi lebih kepada 'titik tolak' tersebut.  Its a point. Where it all starts. Kisah perubahan. Kisah pertemuan :)

Walaupun bukanlah seorang yang dah berubah sangat. Tapi melihat saya dahulu. Memang tidak sama dengan sekarang. Lebih kurang sama, tapi ada yang berubah. Kalau dahulu orang melihat saya suka bergaya. Kasut tumit tinggi merupakan style saya. Hatta datang kelas pun perlu cantik lagi bergaya. Kalau sesiapa nak kenal saya perlu mention 'Oh dia tu yang pakai kasut tinggi gi kelas tuh' 'Oh dia tu yang memang selalu stylo pegi kelas tu'  Kalau femes mungkin orang sebut nama straight away la kan hohoho -.-"

But it was never an easy change. It takes time. Even now still struggling to change to a better person. But it starts from a point. And my point is. The change of heart :)  Saya ingat. Initial spark yang saya rasa pada malam Hari Raya Aidiladha. Masa tu usrah dengan senior Kak Sarah ( May Allah bless her always). Ada iftar untuk puasa. After iftar makan2 di Krilatskoe, semua ahli usrah kena tidur di situ. Tentatif malam itu adalah untuk bangun qiammullail pada sekian-sekian waktu. And the magic word... 'Malam ni kita usaha nangis pada malam qiammullail' (lebih kurang macam ni lah ayatnya). Saya seorang yang pantang dicabar. Challenge accepted. By accepting that challenge. It leads to something. A yearning. A longing. To be able to cry in front of Him.

Ermm then you all probably can predict what happen. They say what we want from Allah, yearningly earnestly will be given by Him. The tears come from Allah. That's what I learned. The thought that came into my mind was..Why can't I cry? If I am standing before You. I should be trembling. I should be crying for all those sins I made. And so on. It made me think. It made me realise. That all this time, I never went One by One with Him. All those prayers before. All those ibadah before. Wasn't done on the basis of doing it for the sake of Allah. All of those were just, because I was raised that way. You never think of Him that much that it wells you up. You never have those intimate relation with Him. That's why we never understood how beautiful Islam is because of Him. Islam is just a way of living, but it directs us to our Creator. The One who owns us all.

Somebody said that your relationship with Allah is LOVE. He loves us. We should love Him more. The prayers we made strengthen the bond. True prayers. Where you feel His presence. His magnanimous presence. Not all that 'cikai2' prayers.  Verily salah prevents evil. How can you make evil things while feeling His presence all the time? Unfathomable. And He puts it perfectly 5 times for refreshing your imaan. How can you not love Him? 

One thing to ponder. Love is not merely emotion. Its an affection that leads to an action. When we say something, walk the talk. Allah said He loves us. And He shows it. Do you see how beautiful the world is created?? It was created for us. Million of years before He created Adam pbuh. We cannot count it because there are many. If we are to use sea as the ink, its not enough to write all of those ni'mah He had given. Subhanallah. How about us then? If we love someone. You give them gifts. Presents. Affections. Its a form of action. Love brings actions. So do our Love. If we truly love Him, show it, prove it. By becoming the best 'Abd and follow the rules He set earlier. Do this. Don't do that. That needs actions my dear sisters. If you love Allah and Rasulullah saw. Follow the Deen. Make a lot of deeds. Leave all those sins. And love heartily. Not just an emotion. But rather actions.

Hmm sorrylah banyak ayat Inggeris. Selalu sangat dengar talk dan baca buku English. Terbiasa. Kalau tulis dalam bahasa Melayu selalu macam tak reti. Well this is my story. Remember, it's just a point that starts it all. Saya juga punya iman yang naik turun. Tidak semestinya satu perubahan itu bakal berterusan tanpa ujian. Tidak semua mampu berubah dalam kadar yang sama. Tapi untuk bermula itu susah dan ujian berat disitu namun disitu jugalah pengalaman kita. Yang bakal mengingatkan kenapa kita perlu terus berubah. Kita yang dulu tidak sama dengan yang hari ini. Bahkan mungkin jauh bezanya. 

Hasbunallah wani'mal wakil.  

Walau perjalanan perubahan nampak panjang, susah dan sepi. 

Aku percaya Allah itu sentiasa memegang hati. 

Dan jikalau aku memilih Dia, Dia tentu memilih aku untuk terus bertatih pergi :)

Ini kisah saya. Anda bagaimana?